Natalie Colgate

(SHORT HEALTH ARTICLE)

DURING my first pregnancy, I was aware of miscarriages but I did not know much about them. When it happened to me, I began doing my own research, my obvious first question being: “Why?” The answer, to the majority, is: “Not because of anything you did wrong!” and I think it is important for every woman to know this, whether they have experienced a miscarriage or not.

The first thing I discovered is that the biggest cause of miscarriages is ‘chromosomal abnormalities’. This means that somewhere along the growth of the embryo or foetus, something did not develop properly. In the same ways that we develop a cold or flu, despite our precautions, chromosomal abnormalities can commonly occur in the development of baby. If that baby continued to grow, its chance of a normal life could diminish and so could yours.

The second thing I found out is the NHS will only run tests to find the cause of the miscarriage after your third consecutive loss. This may sound horrendous and indeed feels terrible when it happens to you (especially when it is your first pregnancy, as it was for me). The emotional investment is high and the loss is difficult, despite the usually short time you were pregnant. But, the long-term reality is this: most women (about 80%) go on to have a successful pregnancy after the first or second miscarriage.

I was pregnant again four months later but unfortunately had a second miscarriage early in that pregnancy. Despite the horror of a second miscarriage, I feel quite positive because now I’m officially in the 80% category most likely to have a successful next pregnancy!

The third thing I learned is that miscarriages, like common colds, are not fully understood by the medical world. In many cases, there is sometimes no answer as to why it happened but do not let that discourage you. As hard as it seems at the time, everything happens for a reason. For my husband, Graham, and I, it has given us more time to prepare for the expense a new member of the family will bring.

Words can rarely make any loss easier. For me, few people managed to say the right thing. Even the truth was difficult to hear. I hated hearing “you can always try again” and “at least you could get pregnant”.  People were only trying to be helpful and they are both very true statements, but I was too sad to appreciate it. The worst thing someone said to me was “Next time you can be more careful.”

To support someone going through a miscarriage, whether you have or have not been through one yourself, my advice is this: just be there for her, listen to her without judgement and give her a shoulder to lean on. Even if she is a ‘tough girl’, the vulnerability that she is going through is harder than you may realise. Your silent strength is powerful, be strong for her.

My miscarriages happened first at 11 weeks and second at seven weeks and I coped with each of them differently. For me, talking to friends who have also experienced a miscarriage (or two) helped a lot. So did researching all I could on the internet. Another big help was borrowing a library book on miscarriage. It helped tackle how isolated I felt when I read the stories of hundreds of other women and how they coped.  My hormones messed me around for a few months afterwards, so I tried not to be too hard on myself. I did whatever felt right for me, sometimes even a walk or a bar of chocolate did the trick.

Although it is not an event to be forgotten, a miscarriage, like any other tragedy, can be overcome. The happy truth is that most pregnancies do succeed and now that I’ve made it to the 33rd week in my third pregnancy, it does seem that this one is here to stay!

Information box

If you have experienced a miscarriage, you are not alone, there are several organisations set up specifically to help women deal with miscarriage.

For information, support, online forums and advice:

The Miscarriage Association
01924 200799

Babyloss
support@babyloss.com

The Miscarriage Clinic
0208 401 9928

Miscarriage Support (Scotland)
0141 552 5070

And don’t forget your local library!  Look in the health and pregnancy section for books on miscarriage.

End of information box